Relief or Resilience?
A Soft Place to Land
Nervous system-focused care for overloaded humans
Issue 04
· The Difference Between Relief and Resilience ·
Week 4 of 52
Before we get into it:
YAY ME for making it 4 full weeks. I can honestly say- I don’t think that has ever happened. So to celebrate, I have 5 coupons for a complimentary 30 minute Stress and Wellness Assessment.
Be a lucky 1 and grab yours today HERE! Use code LAND1
Now, onto this week’s topic.
Welcome. I'm so glad you're back!
I want to say something this week that I say to clients in my treatment room , often in the first session: (which if you haven’t been in a while- it’s my super cozy library room!)
I'm not here to fix you.
I know that might sound strange coming from someone whose job involves helping people feel better. But I mean it. You are not broken. You don't need fixing.
And as someone who also suffers from chronic pain myself, I just want to say FU to that statement I just made because it would be freaking AWESOME if some miracle worker came along with the PERFECT bodywork session that relieved me of my pain, and the precise exercise routine that kept the injury from recurring. Because I DO feel broken. And I know you do too. But we aren’t really, and the mentality that we are is what keeps us cycling in pain.
So when I say fixed- I’m talking mindset.
What we need is support in understanding what your system is doing and why — and then in building our capacity to work with it. That's a very different thing from being fixed. This week we're talking about the difference, and why it matters more than you might think.
-Jenny
THIS WEEK'S TOPIC
The difference between relief and resilience
Let me ask you something plainly:
When you book a massage or a Bowenwork session, what are you hoping for?
For most people, the answer is relief.
Relief from the tension and stress.
Relief from the pain.
Relief from the feeling of being wound so tightly that one more thing might snap something.
And relief is real, and it matters, and I am genuinely glad to offer it. Even though it can be disheartening for both of us when it isn’t as instantaneous as we both might like it to be.
But here's what I've watched happen over and over in my practice: people come in for relief, feel genuinely better, and then two or three weeks later — sometimes the very same day— they're back to where they started. Or somewhere close to it. And they're frustrated, because the bodywork worked for a time, and yet here they are again. Waste of time? Money?
Relief is what happens when you remove the symptom temporarily. Resilience is what happens when you build the capacity to not reach that level of distress in the first place. They are not the same thing — and one without the other is an incomplete solution.
Bodywork alone cannot build resilience to the stress in your life.
It is a magnificent tool for relief, for nervous system reset, for creating the physiological conditions in which healing becomes possible.
But if the same stressors, the same emotional patterns, the same unexamined habits of response are still operating in your daily life, the bodywork will keep being undone… sometimes as soon as you walk through the front door of your own home.
This is not a criticism of bodywork — I have dedicated my professional life to it because I believe in it deeply. It's an honest description of its role in a larger process. Think of it like this: if you have a leak in your roof, a bucket catching the water is essential. But at some point you also need someone to look at the roof… not just bring you another bucket.
The resilience work — the roof work — is what my Building Your Personal Resilience coaching program is designed to do. Not instead of bodywork, but alongside it. The two together create something neither can create alone: a nervous system that doesn't just recover from stress but becomes less susceptible to it over time.
That is what I most want for you. Not just better days on the table. Better days in your life.
THIS WEEK'S REFLECTION
Relief vs. resilience — where are you?
Take an honest look at your current relationship with self-care and stress management:
1. How quickly do you return to your baseline stress level after a period of relief — whether from a massage, a vacation, a good night's sleep?
2. Are there times of year, or types of situations, where you consistently struggle? What does that pattern tell you?
3. What would it mean for your life if your baseline level of tension and stress was significantly lower — not just on good days, but consistently?
You don't have to have answers. The reflection itself is the practice. And if the third question lit something up in you — a kind of longing — pay attention to that.
CLIENT STORY
A voice from a Clarity Call
Sometimes a person walks into a conversation and within minutes you can hear exactly where the weight is living in their body. Recently I spoke with someone who described what so many people quietly experience but rarely name out loud:
A constant pressure in the head that builds with any physical activity meant to bring relief
A chest that feels tight, heavy, and hard to breathe through
A body so full of unprocessed emotion that even a walk around the block triggers an overwhelming flood
A bone-deep exhaustion that makes joy feel out of reach
The sense of being full to the brim, one moment away from overflow
From a HeartMath perspective, what they were describing is a nervous system running on empty while simultaneously running on overdrive. The depleting emotions — rage, grief, shame, disappointment — had been stored for so long without a safe outlet that their body had essentially become the container for all of it. They’re full, but not in any way that nourishes them. .
What was beautiful about our conversation was the moment they began to see another possibility. When I introduced the concept of coherence — of intentionally filling the body with the emotions that restore rather than drain — a little glimmer of hope sparked. They could see, maybe for the first time, that the goal wasn't to fight the hard emotions or force them out. It was to build enough capacity inside themself that those emotions could finally move through, rather than take up permanent residence.
That's what HeartMath does. It doesn't bypass the hard. It builds the container big enough to hold it — and then releases it.
Just a side note, if you are suffering in ways that is greatly affecting your mental health and your ability to live a full life, I 100% recommend finding a therapist that you can work in tandem with. HeartMath skills are life skills that are not meant to replace therapy in any way, but rather act as an anchor and a practice as you process through everything.
If you'd like to share your story for an upcoming newsletter, I'd love to hear from you. Reach out at hello@jennyodell,me
A FINAL THOUGHT FROM ME
If you've been in the relief-relapse cycle for a while and some part of you is ready to work on something more lasting, I would love to talk with you about what that looks like. A free clarity call is always the right place to start.
If this week's topic is resonating with something you've been feeling but haven't had words for, I'd love to have a conversation. My Building Your Personal Resilience coaching program exists for exactly this — to take the awareness you're building through bodywork and turn it into lasting change. Learn more or book a free clarity call at jennyodell.me or if you would rather, connect with me via voice note onVOXER or simply reply to this email to share what’s been landing.
Sincerely and with Gratitude,
Jenny O'Dell
