Queen of the Night
Pitch? Please!
The newsletter for people who are done networking the hard way
Issue 02 · Foundations · Week 2 of 52
A NOTE FROM ME
A fun fact for about me: I’m the lead singer of a big band here on the Seacoast. We’re called the Rockingham Groove and we are quite the production. Often I’m asked whether or not I get nervous on stage. The honest answer is not anymore. But I used to, and so I had to think about what shifted for me to walk on stage with confidence, readiness, and an air of ____the not caring part of ikigai________.
It starts at home when I open my closet door to decide which sequins dress I’m going to wear and then I turn on Whintney Houston’s Bodyguard Album (with the added bonus of I Just Wanna Dance with Somebody) by the time I get to the venue I have put on the persona that I am the Queen of the Night and how fortunate are we ALL that I am!? (Sounds a bit cocky I know! But I think that speaks to how so many of us are expected to minimize ourselves)
In the context of networking, I've been thinking about the moments before we get to wherever we are going — the drive to the event, the walk from the parking lot, the pause outside the door. That liminal space where we're still alone but already performing. There's so much happening in those minutes, and most of us rush past it without ever paying attention.
This week we're going to slow that moment down. Because what you tell yourself before you arrive shapes everything that happens after.
Sincerely and with Gratitude,
The Queen of the Night
THIS WEEK'S TOPIC
The story you tell yourself before you walk in the door
Here's a question worth sitting with: what are you thinking about in the five minutes before you walk into a professional event or meeting?
The last 5 minutes before I walk onto the stage- I’m thinking that DAMN these sequins are so sparkly! Those calf raises at the gym are paying off! I’m feeling STRONG and my band- I am so blessed to perform with such a list players!
5 minutes before a large networking event- No one wants to hear what I have to say. There are so many others doing what I do, I don’t stand out. Maybe if I had a college degree or another certification it would show people I DO know what I’m talking about and want to work with me.
For most people, in addition to thinking thoughts similar to mine, you may also be thinking: Am I dressed right? Will I know anyone? What do I say if someone asks what I do? What if I come across as awkward or boring or too much or not enough?
Before you've said a single word to another human, your body has already rehearsed failure. My strong body that belts out rocking tunes for 2.5 hours suddenly shrinks and falls weak and is dull and crabby.
The story you tell yourself in that pre-event window isn't just mental background noise. It's a full physiological event. Your heart rate shifts. Your breathing changes. Your muscles tighten. You arrive already braced.
Ironically, with my clients, we talk a lot about what happens when we anticipate threat — and social situations can register as threat just as powerfully as physical danger. The brain doesn't always distinguish between "a tiger is chasing me" and "what if no one talks to me." Both activate the same survival wiring.
The good news is that this wiring is not your destiny. The narrative running in your head before you walk in the door is a habit — and habits can be interrupted. One of the most powerful interruptions is simply noticing the story. Not judging it, not trying to talk yourself out of it with toxic positivity. Just seeing it clearly.
"Oh, there I go again, telling myself I won't have anything interesting to say."
That moment of recognition creates space. And space is where choice lives.
And that choice could be- Maybe we all sign up to go to some giant networking mixer and we ALL wear something shiny and show up as the posse we are!
THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE
The pre-event pause
Before our next Pitch? Please! gathering, WBL/BNI, Excelerate Her or a work meeting, or even an important phone call, try this:
1. Find 2–3 minutes alone before you go in — in your car, in a bathroom, wherever you can get quiet.
2. Notice what your mind is saying. Don't argue with it. Just listen like you're hearing someone else's thoughts.
3. Place your hand on your heart. Take three slow breaths, breathing as if the air is moving in and out through your heart. Find a rhythm that is slower and comfortable for you, and continue that intentional breathing for 2 minutes.
4. Ask yourself one question: "What do I actually want to feel in this room today?" Not what you want to achieve — what you want to feel.
5. Carry that answer in with you.
This is a foundational HeartMath practice — heart-focused breathing. It's simple, it works quickly, and over time it rewires how your body responds to social anticipation.
MEMBER SPOTLIGHT
Meet Beth O’Dell! She is alicensed mental health and addiction counselor in Maine and New Hampshire and specialize in anxiety and attachment trauma.
Meet Beth O’Dell
I love helping people identify patterns and internal messaging that are no longer serving them and supporting them in reshaping how they think about themselves and the world around them to support a reduction in anxiety and distress. As a small business owner I understand the importance of building relationships with other professionals, but as an introvert this feels intimidating and overwhelming. After exploring several types of networking groups, Pitch Please felt like a better opportunity to build these relationships in a more guided and authentic way that felt safer for my nervous system (and it didn’t hurt that it was hosted by my sister!).
Tell us about a time your inner story before an event turned out to be completely wrong.
My inner story is often telling me that going new places and meeting new people is intimidating and overwhelming. My imposter syndrome and the “not good enough” internal messaging kicks in. But I have actually survived 100% of the events that I have gone to, even when the parking situation is unknown. But I am really grateful for my sister’s overpreparedness to ensure we know the parking situation and where to find her is crystal clear.
What do you wish more people knew about what you do?
Therapy can feel like a really positive experience and a really overwhelming experience because you are unpacking things you’ve held on tightly to for so long. While there is relief in that there can also be emotional pain in processing - which can feel intimidating, activate protective parts, and cause avoidance. There is no rushing healing, no quick fixes. We go at a pace that feels supportive to your nervous system to move through that healing while weaving in skills that support you along the way.
How can people in the group connect with or support you?
I can be reached through my website www.NorthlightCC.net. My email, phone number, direct scheduling for clients, and links to social media can be found there.
BEFORE YOU GO
That voice in your head before you walk in the door has been running the show for a long time. This week, we're starting to change that.
If this week's topic stirred something in you, that's worth sitting with. A lot of the work I do with clients through HeartMath coaching begins with exactly this kind of noticing. If you like journaling- write it out. If you would like to chat it out- you can find me on VOXER! (Or reply to this email!)
See you next week. Take good care of yourself in every room you walk into.
— Jenny, your Queen of the Night
